My parents took me to the doctor, who thought it was mostly a reaction to cow’s milk. So I went on soy and almond milk 30 years ago, before it was the cool thing to do. The rash went away, and eczema became more of a seasonal concern. I would have it on my hands in winter when it was cold or in the crooks of my elbows or behind my knees. Home remedies and moisturizers kept my symptoms under control during my childhood and teen years.
But in nursing school, I was more stressed out. My atopic dermatitis (AD) became worse, although it stayed on my arms and legs. But about a year and a half ago, I suddenly got it everywhere—all over my body, on my face, on my scalp. It was red and patchy; parts were weeping and crusted. It wasn’t itchy, it was painful.
I was very upset. I was very self-conscious. I was humiliated about it. It wasn’t something makeup could cover. I would wear long-sleeve shirts. Out of concern, my coworkers would ask, “Have you seen your face?!” My patients and their families would say, “Are you okay?!” It made me feel horrible. It affected my ability to do my job. To be compassionate and caring toward someone, I have to get close to them, but maybe they didn’t want me to touch them looking like I looked. I know AD is not something I can give to someone else, but they might not know I’m not crazy-contagious, because I looked like I was!
Some people didn’t believe me that it was eczema. That really hurt. Why would I lie about it? I believe them when they said they had never seen eczema like that before—I hadn’t either! But it’s not helpful to tell me it’s not eczema. My family and loved ones would tell me to try not to let it affect me emotionally, but it was very hard for me. I’d like to think no one was judging me, but people stared.
I kept trying all the normal remedies and treatments I always used, but it kept getting worse. I went to multiple doctors—an allergist, an immunologist—and ran the gamut of medical practices. I changed all my soaps, washed my sheets, cleaned everything. I already used hygiene and body products approved by the National Eczema Association (NEA). Once I started getting really sick, my stress went crazy and made my eczema worse, but I don’t know—and I may never know—what triggered that severe flare-up. It wasn’t as simple as “Don’t use that lotion.”
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