5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With a Chronic Illness Seriously - Article Health

The book of Ecclesiastes contains the proverb, “a faithful friend is the medicine of life.” Good friends are good for your health. No doctor can write a prescription for friendship, love, and laughs. The power of friendship cannot be overestimated. It’s up to us to be good friends to our friends. But some of your friends or even family members may be acting like jackasses, and making your tough row even harder to hoe.

People want the world to make sense. When a great person like you gets sick, it’s not fair, it doesn’t make any sense. You’re a swell pal, why’d it happen to you? It can’t be random, because that’s too scary. If it’s random it might happen to them. So these jackasses have to tell themselves a story, that you got sick because you ate non-organic gluten, or you work too hard, or you grew up in New Jersey. And you’re staying sick because you’re not doing what they bray. These stories soothe the fears your condition provokes in them. The healthy jackasses imagine themselves in the sick person’s situation, and in their mind, they would be sick so much better.

“Can I try your medicine?”
I’m in constant pain. I take very serious, strong pain medication that helps me live my life, but even with the help of morphine there are times when I just can’t wear clothing or even get vertical. I need my medicine to survive, so no, you can’t have any. It’s no party to rely on these pills. Don’t be an idiot and don’t ask for them. We could die from misuse of these drugs.

“Everyone gets sick and tired. Don’t be such a wuss.”
When you’re in pain, it feels even worse to let your loved ones down. It feels unbearable to not be believed. I am a patient advocate, and I write books and articles. I go around the country speaking about pain and healthcare issues. Yet some people I’ve known for decades can’t understand that I have about 50% good days and 50% bad days.

“You look tired.” “You don’t look like yourself.” “You’ve gained weight, Chubs.”
Well, the chemo has really been taking it out of me. Thanks for noticing! And it’s true the steroids aren’t doing much for my figure. But I’d rather take my medicine than live up to your beauty standards.

“Keep me posted about your test results.”
The last thing I want to do is discuss my personal medical information over and over again. Unless you are wearing a lab coat and I am paying you a bloody fortune for your guidance, I’ll keep this information limited to my close circle of friends—and they don’t need to ask. Sometimes it’s a bummer to think about, never mind talking about it and explaining it.

“Let me know if there’s something I can do.”
I’m trying to manage my life and my illness—you want me to come up with your to-do list also? How about you use your noodle and figure it out for yourself? My sister Kate has a friend who was facing a long series of daily treatments for breast cancer. Her friend has a large family, so Kate and her circle of friends got together and bought a used refrigerator and put it in the woman’s garage.


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