3 Ways Your Anxiety Is Messing With Your Relationship - Article Health

Do you sometimes snap at your spouse when you’re feeling worried about something totally unrelated? Are you dragging your feet on a decision, despite your partner’s steady prompts to make up your mind? There's no question that anxiety is hardest on the person suffering it; but whether you have an anxiety disorder or you're just anxious by nature, your anxiety can also affect your partner, and lead you to inadvertently sabotage your relationship happiness.

It’s a vicious cycle: Your anxiety spills into your relationship, your partner gets frustrated, and as a result, you feel less supported—and more insecure. The good news is that once you're aware of the common problems that unfold, there are remedies you can try. Read on to learn the traps to watch for, and how to avoid them.

Anxiety shortens your fuse
This happened to me recently when my family and I were traveling home from vacation. I was feeling a looming sense of dread about how much work had piled up while we were away. On the flight home, our toddler had a few meltdowns, and I got snippy with my spouse for not helping me enough with our child. I would’ve coped better with my daughter's meltdowns if I wasn’t so worked up about coming home to a backlog of things to do.

Try this: Ask your partner to point out those times when you’re anxious about one thing, and it's causing you to be irritable about something else. You can let them know that you may not always act pleased, and may even react defensively. But at the end of the day, you'd appreciate the feedback.

You can phrase the request as something like, “Can you help me notice when I’m stressed out about work or money and I’m taking it out on you, or being short-tempered with the kids?” Keep in mind that your partner might sometimes identify situations in which they think you’re acting out due to anxiety, but you don’t agree. If that happens occasionally, cut them some slack and try not to get too upset about it. When you both recognize the pattern, it can help your partner be more tolerant, and help you adjust your behavior.

You stonewall your partner

We’ve evolved to respond to anxiety in one of three ways: fight, flee, or freeze.  "Freezing" often manifests as decision paralysis. For instance, you might procrastinate getting started on tasks, or put off decisions because you’re endlessly waiting for the perfect option to emerge. Someone with anxiety might find it very difficult to move forward with big decisions, like retirement investing or buying a home. You might even feel frozen over minor household decisions, because you're afraid of making choices you'll regret.

You're too critical
Anxiety is all about overestimating threats. When presented with a new idea, people with anxiety think of the potential downsides before the upsides, which may lead you to shoot down your partner's suggestions too quickly. This pattern can cause your partner to withdraw emotionally from the relationship because they learn to always expect a negative reaction to their ideas. And that gets old fast.

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